Nattitude!

Order of the Day: 6 June 1944

2012-01-22T15:07:00.005-07:00

SUPREME HEADQUARTERS ALLIED EXPEDITIONARY FORCE

Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen of the Allied Expeditionary Force!

You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, toward which we have striven these many months. The eyes of the world are upon you. The hopes and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you. In company with our brave Allies and brothers-in-arms on other Fronts, you will bring about the destruction of the German war machine, the elimination of Nazi tyranny over the oppressed peoples of Europe, and security for ourselves in a free world.

Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well equipped and battle hardened. He will fight savagely.

But this is the year 1944! Much has happened since the Nazi triumphs of 1940-41. The United Nations have inflicted upon the Germans great defeats, in open battle, man-to-man. Our air offensive has seriously reduced their strength in the air and their capacity to wage war on the ground. Our Home Fronts have given us an overwhelming superiority in weapons and munitions of war, and placed at our disposal great reserves of trained fighting men. The tide has turned! The free men of the world are marching together to Victory!

I have full confidence in your courage and devotion to duty and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full Victory!

Good luck! And let us beseech the blessing of Almighty God upon this great and noble undertaking.

http://www.kansasheritage.org/abilene/ikespeech.html

Sometimes you're just in the mood for a little Celine Dion

2012-01-18T21:26:00.000-07:00

Let's just hope this doesn't become a regular thing for me.

The new toy

2012-01-14T10:35:00.005-07:00

The Garmin Forerunner 110. Probably in my top 5 Christmas presents ever. (Hmmm, let's see: 1) my sleeping bag, 2) Garmin, 3) the skateboard I got in 3rd grade, 4) iPhone, and 5) probably the discman I got my senior year of high school.)

Today's run: ~5.7 miles (it's a little different every time I do it even though it's the exact same route) in 1:05:50, that's around an eleven and a half minute mile. Not great, but not horrible either, and it's the pace I've been running pretty consistently since the marathon. I still have a lot of weight to lose if I think I'm going to get back down to a ten-minute mile or faster. One of my goals this year is to set a new half marathon PR; I'd love it if I could run a sub two hour half, but I'll take anything under 2:20:00. I've got the SLC Half in April, and I'll be signing up for the AF Canyon Half in June and the Hobble Creek Half in August - maybe by August I'll be there.

My run this morning made me so happy. The music, the blue sky and the sun in my eyes, the motivation to push myself a little harder (thanks to the watch), and my body that puts up with the things I put it through. It eases the pain of turning 34 last Tuesday. Yes, ugh, I'm in my mid-thirties. I'm so grateful I can do this. Run.

I have died every day waiting for you

2012-01-14T10:31:00.005-07:00

"A Thousand Years"
Heart beats fastColors and promisesHow to be braveHow can I love when I'm afraid to fallBut watching you stand aloneAll of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for youDarling don't be afraid I have loved youFor a thousand yearsI'll love you for a thousand more
Time stands stillBeauty in all she isI will be braveI will not let anything take awayWhat's standing in front of meEvery breathEvery hour has come to this
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for youDarling don't be afraid I have loved youFor a thousand yearsI'll love you for a thousand more
And all along I believed I would find youTime has brought your heart to meI have loved you for a thousand yearsI'll love you for a thousand more
One step closerOne step closer
I have died everyday waiting for youDarling don't be afraid I have loved youFor a thousand yearsI'll love you for a thousand more
And all along I believed I would find youTime has brought your heart to meI have loved you for a thousand yearsI'll love you for a thousand more
(Christina Perri)

I just can't help myself

2012-01-13T19:28:00.000-07:00

I have actually given up

2012-01-07T16:17:00.000-07:00

You know you've given up on life when...

...you join Pinterest.

Yes, I've done it. And I'm so not embarrassed by it. I [heart] Pinterest! And since I don't get to have my Diet Coke addiction anymore I'm replacing it with this.

A treat

2012-01-07T16:16:00.000-07:00

Me and Alex with our Diet Cokes. Don't worry, I'm not going to start drinking it again...

Christmas

2012-01-07T16:15:00.008-07:00

I have wondered countless times if there is something wrong with me because I don't like arts and crafts (not the furniture style). I'm not interested in sewing, needlework, or making anything really. I look at other people's blogs and see the projects they're doing like making a lampshade out of ribbons or transforming an old door into a headboard and I think two things: ugly and boring. Even decorating for the holidays puts me into a bad mood because of the mess it makes and the hassle it is.

I don't know what got into me this year, but I decided for Christmas I was going to make my mom a Christmas cross stitch (that way if it turned out awful she only had to display it for a couple weeks of the year). I was a cross stitching machine for about three weeks; I watched multiple movies and the entire season of Winds of War making that sucker.

On top of all that, a couple days after I decided I was too busy this year to decorate for Christmas (and consequently gave a pile of my Christmas decorations to Brandon and Jackie), my Relief Society President asked me if they could include my house on the home tour for the December RS activity. It forced me to spend an afternoon in Tai Pan (which I'll begrudgingly admit was fun, but mostly because Alex came with me) and buy Christmas decorations to get the house looking decent for the holidays. (It was stressful enough though that it was the first day I broke my "no Diet Coke" rule since August 31.)

Turkey Trot

2012-01-07T16:14:00.011-07:00

Thanksgiving 2011: Natalie, Rachel, Jen

Bye Bryan

2012-01-07T16:14:00.009-07:00

Bryan moved to Washington, DC and I'm so proud of him. We all miss him so much, and it was especially apparent at the first family dinner we had after he left.

Introducing Patty the monster truck

2012-01-07T16:14:00.008-07:00

Yes, this is my beautiful new (well, 2007) Pathfinder! I bought my last car in 2003 with 15k miles on it and it now has almost 190k miles on it! I think everyone who knows me was pretty shocked, including me. It took me a couple weeks to be happy about it, but now I'm in LOVE. I know it's the right car for me because I never look at other cars on the road and think "hmmm, maybe I should have bought that car."

At the grocery store

In my driveway

Parking garage at work

On the sales lot

Yes, I might just be a little obsessed.

Traitor

2012-01-07T16:13:00.011-07:00

Field passes and awesome seats to the Utah-UCLA game (thanks Amy and Eric!)

Andrea's boys

2012-01-07T16:13:00.007-07:00

How did I get so lucky to have these wonderful friends in my life? Huh? After the marathon I spent three relaxing days with the Dubs. I was completely unmotivated to do anything and I basically just followed Andrea around. I'm sure she was ready to drop kick me back to Utah by the time I finally got out of her hair.

Halloween!

A proud day for Shawn, his first deer

Marine Corps Marathon 10/30/11

2012-01-07T16:12:00.006-07:00

Every marathon seems to have a theme. My first marathon, Top of Utah in 2006, was about finishing; it was about what it takes to climb over the wall and finish a marathon. St. George, in 2007, was my best yet. I was strong and fast and it's still the time to beat. After three years of the-thing-I-don't-talk-about, I ran the Honolulu Marathon in 2010 to find myself and set a new baseline.

This one was about friendship. Yeah, I finished. Yeah, my time improved over last year. But what I will always remember about the Marine Corps Marathon is how much fun I had running it with Pam. That's what I said: I had fun! Through a mix-up at the starting line, we got separated and didn't catch up until about mile 8 (Georgetown). We were separated again when the Granny (me) had to stop at the porta potty, but I caught up to her and we ran the majority of the race and finished together. We talked, we cried, we encouraged each other, and we both had the time of our lives. I love my Pammy so much and I'm so proud of her for finishing her first marathon! May there be many more for both of us...

There's also a camaraderie among runners whether you know each other or not. Around the halfway point, I mentioned to Pam how one of the volunteers had dumped half my cup of Gatorade on my arm/hand as he handed it to me. This girl running right next to us piped up and said she had a wet wipe in her running belt that I could have. Another time I was whining about how thirsty I was and another runner, without hesitation, handed me her water bottle. It was around mile 20 and it saved my life. And I still get choked up thinking about all the Marines, in uniform, who volunteered at the water stations and finish line, and spoke (and sometimes yelled) meaningful words of encouragement that kept us going.

I feel so grateful that my body's held out for me to be able to do these races. As long as I can, I'm going to keep running and working towards my goal of qualifying for the Boston Marathon. Up next: St. George 2012. Lottery opens April 1; I'll keep you posted...

Me and Pam at the finish line (Iwo Jima Memorial behind us)

Natalie's Marathon Playlist

2012-01-07T16:11:00.003-07:00

Marine Corps Marathon, Sunday, October 30, 2011

The most memorable thing about this playlist was the two Sara Bareilles albums that I accidentally uploaded along with my running music. SO annoying. I like to get rid of everything but the marathon playlist and put my iPod on shuffle so I'm not constantly skipping tracks. Oh well, every other song was awesome. Here's the list - I've waited too long to post it, so no ratings or comments... Sorry.

Abandon, Live it Out
The All-American Rejects, Move Along
All Time Low, Weightless
Angels and Airwaves, The Adventure
Art of Dying, Die Trying
Atreyu, Slow Burn
Beyonce, Crazy in Love
Beyonce, Best Thing I Never Had
The Black Eyed Peas, Just Can't Get Enough
The Bravery, Time Won't Let Me Go
Breaking Benjamin, Until the End
Britney Spears, I Wanna Go
Buckcherry, Everything
Bullet For My Valentine, Alone
Cee Lo Green, What Part of Forever
Chevelle, I Get It
Christina Perri, Arms
Cobra Starship, You Make Me Feel
Coldplay, Fix You
Daughtry, Crawling Back to You
Dev, In the Dark
Diddy, Coming Home
The Downtown Fiction, I Just Wanna Run
Dr. Dre, I Need a Doctor
Eminem, Not Afraid
Eminem, Lose Yourself
Fall Out Boy, Thnks Fr Th Mmrs
Fischerspooner, Cloud
Foo Fighters, My Hero
Foo Fighters, Long Road to Ruin
Foo Fighters, Walk
Incubus, Pardon Me
Jane's Addiction, Irresistible Force
Jordin Sparks, One Step at a Time
Kanye West, Stronger
Katy Perry, California Gurls
Kesha, Animal
Kelly Clarkson, What Doesn't Kill (Stronger)
Keri Hilson, Knock You Down
Lady Antebellum, Just a Kiss
Lady GaGa, The Edge of Glory
Linkin Park, The Catalyst
LMFAO, Party Rock Anthem
Madina Lake, Never Take Us Alive
Maroon 5, Moves Like Jagger
Matisyahu, One Day
MGMT, Kids
Michelle Branch, Breathe
Muse, Stockholm Syndrome
Muse, Map of the Problematique
My Chemical Romance, Under Pressure
Nelly Furtado, Maneater
Neon Trees, Animal
Nickelback, If Today Was Your Last Day
Nicki Minaj, Super Bass
Nicki Minaj and Rihanna, Fly
The Offspring, Half-Truism
Panic! At the Disco, The Ballad of Mona Lisa
Panic! At the Disco, Ready to Go
Rage Against the Machine, Wake Up
Red Hot Chili Peppers, Fortune Faded
Rev Theory, Hell Yeah
Rihanna, We Found Love
Rihanna and Eminem, Love the Way You Lie
Rise Against, Help Is On the Way
Seether, Tonight
Skillet, Awake and Alive
Stacie Orrico, (There's Gotta Be) More to Life
Staind, Now
Sum 41, Screaming Bloody Murder
Switchfoot, Dare You to Move
System of a Down, Chop Suey!
T.I., Live Your Life
Taio Cruz, Higher
Three Days Grace, Life Starts Now
Trust Company, Stronger
Usher, More
The Veronicas, This is How it Feels
We the Kings, Check Yes Juliet
Weezer, Island in the Sun
Yellowcard, Believe
10 Years, Fix Me
3 Doors Down, It's Not My Time
Ashley Simpson, L.O.V.E.

Friends

2012-01-07T16:10:00.000-07:00

So fun to see some people from the old Roosevelt Ward. Angela and John were visiting from New Zealand so we had a little pot luck at my house.

Natalie and Angela

A lot of people left by the time we decided to take a picture, but here are a few of the stragglers

There are worse things than running a marathon with a cold sore

2011-10-26T21:10:00.003-06:00

I guess it's better than being sick, but you just want to be as comfortable as possible while running and a bloody lip is far from it. Ugh.

Prepping and priming

2011-10-25T21:11:00.002-06:00

I have a love-hate relationship with make up. Most days, if I could, I would avoid wearing anything more than chapstick altogether. But I'm getting to that point in life when I look like two different people with or without make up, and in spite of my dislike I do actually have a pretty impressive collection and enjoy playing with colors or getting all dressed up for a night out. No matter what kind of mood I'm in though, I dread the first couple of steps of my routine. It's like the punishment before the reward of eyeshadow, eyeliner and mascara.

First, the primer. You'd think moisturizing after you get out of the shower would be enough. Nope. The perfect foundation requires a silicon-based primer underneath in order to go on smoothly and stay on longer. And believe me - if it didn't I wouldn't waste my money or my time - it does make a difference. Next is the foundation, which I always have to wash my hands after I do because I hate the feel of any of that sh** left on my fingertips (yet I put it all over my face...?). Then comes the under-eye concealer, then the eyeshadow primer. Eyeshadow primer is a new thing for me, but again, it seriously does its job or I wouldn't bother. It's amazing how much better the color looks (and lasts) on top of a good primer.

There goes half my time. Creating the perfect palette. When I start to use lip primer we can all worry. It'll mean I've gotten too old for lip gloss and have started to wear lip liner and lipstick. Won't that be fun.

Whether it's a 14-minute mile or a 6-minute mile, a mile is still a mile

2011-10-23T12:39:00.004-06:00

Let the countdown begin... Exactly one week from today, I will have FINISHED my fourth marathon. (And I'm holding myself to it - I WILL be a finisher.)

I hesitate posting a lot of this inspirational pinterest-type crap, but here are a few I've been saving up that are pretty meaningful to me:

I am a runner.

Half Marathon Playlist

2011-10-20T17:45:00.004-06:00

I put together a really good playlist for the Salt Lake Half in April and I listened to it all summer. For this last race, I just put my workout playlist on shuffle. It was a little on the mellow side, but I thought I'd post it anyway, since it's been a while since I posted a playlist. Stay tuned for next week's marathon playlist, there are some good ones on it...

Justin Timberlake, SexyBack
Britney Spears, Gimme More
Destiny's Child, Survivor
Three Day's Grace, I Hate Everything About You
Fall Out Boy, I Don't Care
Jo Dee Messina, Stand Beside Me
Breaking Benjamin, Give Me a Sign
Rihanna, Russian Roulette
Rise Against, Savior
Flyleaf, Again
Three Day's Grace, Over and Over
Shiny Toy Guns, Major Tom
Motley Crue, Dr. Feelgood
Muse, Hysteria
Atreyu, Slow Burn
Simple Plan, Welcome to My Life
MGMT, Electric Feel
Muse, Starlight
Dr. Dre, Nuthin' but a "G" Thang
Gorillaz, Feel Good Inc.
Jessica Riddle, Even Angels Fall
Gnarls Barkley, Crazy
Sara Bareilles, Uncharted
Katy Perry, I Kissed a Girl
Jay-Z, Izzo
Simple Plan, Don't Want to Think About You
Shiny Toy Guns, Jackie Will Save Me
The Offspring, Trust in You
Jo Jo, Leave (Get Out)
Meg and Dia, Monster
Good Charlotte, Boys and Girls
Lady GaGa, Poker Face
Incubus, Pardon Me
Pras, Ghetto Supastar
Breaking Benjamin, Diary of Jane
Foo Fighters, My Hero
Avril Lavigne, What the Hell
Nickelback, Far Away
Enrique Iglesias, Rhythm Divine
Gwen Stefani, What You Waiting For?
Britney Spears, Stronger
Dr. Dre, I Need a Doctor
Shiny Toy Guns, You Are the One
Linkin' Park, Somewhere I Belong
Good Charlotte, Hold On
Maroon 5, Moves Like Jagger
30 Seconds to Mars, Kings and Queens

My girls

2011-10-16T16:51:00.001-06:00

Running is life

2011-10-16T15:31:00.008-06:00

I subscribe to a facebook page called I [Heart] to Run. They post daily motivational pictures and quotes and I love it. Something that really stood out to me this past week was this line, "The truth is that running hurts. No one gets faster without meeting their personal pain barrier straight on."

I face my personal pain barrier straight on every single time I go to CrossFit. Not just physical pain, but mental and emotional pain, as in, how many times a week can you face the utter humiliation of being the weakest person in the room? I face my personal pain barrier straight on almost every time I run. I am not afraid of going over the edge. I'm not afraid of not making it to the edge either (sometimes). When it comes to training, most days I can look at myself in the mirror and say "you did good today."

Not so with just about every other area of my life. Lately things haven't been working out as smoothly or as quickly as I'd like them to. What is probably just life-as-usual has felt like bad luck and the world out to get me. I've felt angry, I've struggled with my faith and more often than I'd like to admit have shaken my fist at the sky and said "what is it you want from me?" In my most prideful moments I've thought "fine, I'll just do it on my own. Bring on the heart break and the financial set backs and the job from hell. I can do it myself." But in my humble moments I have felt reprimanded:

"Okay Natalie, is that how it's going to be? You want to play this game? Because you will lose every time. Everything good in your life has been given to you by me and so has most of the bad. It's because I love you. But you haven't even seen 'hard' yet. You haven't lost everything and lived in a cave with boils all over your body. You haven't been thrown overboard in a storm and swallowed by a whale. You haven't wandered in the wilderness for 40 years. But if that's the way you want to do things, then yeah, I can bring it."

I did my tenth half marathon yesterday. I'm running my fourth full marathon in two weeks. And yet I can't seem to figure out how to face my personal pain barrier in life and move past it and get stronger. At least not without losing my faith in the process.

This is life. Face it. Get a kick out of it. Get high on it. LOVE it. Cry about it. Get over it. Kill it. LIVE it.

Hello, I've waited here for you, everlong

2011-10-16T13:42:00.004-06:00

"Breathe out, so I can breathe you in, hold you in"

Me and Rachel waiting for the Foos (Dave Grohl played the drums for the last few songs of the opening band's set - their drummer's appendix ruptured that day - it was so awesome)

"A heavy cross you bear, a stubborn heart remains unchanged"

This guy provided SO much entertainment during the show!

"Still there's one thing that comforts me since I was always caged and now I'm free"

DAAAVE! The love of my life...sexy, funny, talented, ROCK STAR

"When you go, I come loose"

To this day I'm scared to death of

2011-10-16T13:36:00.006-06:00

Jaws

Walking up the stairs in the dark

Bloody Mary

The undead boy under the bed waiting to cut my Achilles tendon with a knife (thank you "Pet Cemetery")

The Nightstalker

Piranhas

Mirrors in dark rooms (thank you "Poltergeist 3")

The devil

Freddy Krueger

My basement

Sticking my hand down the drain

19 miler

2011-10-09T17:49:00.005-06:00

Yesterday was the big day. The day that you know if you're ready to run a marathon or not. Now that I've been able to sleep on it, here are my thoughts:

I'm definitely stronger and faster than I was last year, even last month
I'll have to see what my half marathon time is next Saturday, but I'm pretty sure I will easily be able to beat the bridge in DC (sub 14 min/mile pace)
It was mentally tougher than I remember from past long runs - it could be because I've been doing more CrossFit and less running
I hit the wall, big time, which is a scary thing to happen when you're only running 19 (I say "only" because it shouldn't happen until you've at least passed 20 - 7 more miles is a long way to go)
Towards the end of my run (before I had hurdled the wall) I started to wonder, not if I can do a marathon in three weeks, but if I want to do a marathon in three weeks
At the very end I had to sprint half a block and across the street to make a light and I was SHOCKED how much juice I still had in my legs and feet
After a salt bath, ice, ibuprofen and 10 hours of sleep last night, I feel totally recovered, so I guess my body's ready to go

People I can't take seriously

2011-10-06T18:28:00.002-06:00

People who wear glasses that automatically turn into sunglasses when they're outside. I think it's the most ridiculous thing trying to talk to someone who has just walked indoors as their glasses are fading back to normal. It's all I can do not to tell them how stupid they look.

The WOD

2011-10-05T22:15:00.001-06:00

The WOD is the Workout of the Day at CrossFit. We usually have a warmup (that can be pretty hard sometimes), a challenge (usually related to the day's WOD but sometimes its own mini WOD) and the WOD. Sometimes the WOD is called a Wodzilla, which means it's going to be longer or more complex, but always harder. The WOD is almost always for time so it's pretty intense.

I haven't been writing a lot about CrossFit although I've been going about three times a week. I'm sore all the time and my runs have been harder, but I think it's worth it. I'll probably notice how much stronger I am when I start to taper for the marathon.

So today's WOD... Five rounds (for time) of: 20 pullups (modified for me since I can't even do one), 30 pushups (also modified a little since I've never gotten my chest muscles back), 40 situps and 50 air squats. Three minutes rest in between each round. This means by the time I was finished, which minus the rest time was 31:10, I had done 200 situps! It was the thing I was most proud of when I finished.

Small miracles

2011-10-02T15:08:00.004-06:00

Well first, BYU won on Friday night.

I finished 13 miles on Saturday. Bottom line, I wasn't consistent in my training efforts over the summer and I'm paying the price now. That doesn't mean I won't be able to finish the marathon in four weeks, but it does mean it's going to be hard and slow. There are two points during the marathon where I will get cut off if I don't maintain a 14 min/mile pace: mile 17.5 - the MCM Gauntlet, and mile 20 - 14th Street Bridge ("Beat the Bridge"). Since next week is my 20 miler, I'll have to time myself and push it like I would in a race so I know what to expect. I'm also running the SoJo Half in two weeks (I know, probably not the best idea to do a race two weeks before the marathon, but I would be running about 12 miles anyway). Over the next two weeks I'll know if I'm going to be a finisher or not.

At the end of my run yesterday, I decided to change my route a little to avoid a really steep down/uphill freeway underpass. It added a few minutes (quarter mile?) but was worth the break it gave my right knee. With less than a mile to go, I ran into one of my CrossFit coaches who was out running three miles going the opposite direction. At first I didn't recognize her and as I saw her running towards me I though "I want to be her." We stopped and chatted for a minute - she gave me a high five - and it gave me the boost I needed to finish strong, and I wouldn't have seen her had I decided to stay on my original path.

After I finished and made myself sick on too much water (I had to lay in the shade for a few minutes before I could even stretch out), I got a peanut butter bagel and OJ from Einstein's then headed to the pool. It was 85 degrees outside! I floated around for a while then laid in the sun to dry out. It was a little too breezy to be perfectly comfortable but who's complaining? It's October!

What a great weekend. I'm grateful for conference too. This month is going to suck (because of work) and I needed these few days to get myself fired up to make it to the 30th.

Oh Martha

2011-09-29T19:12:00.003-06:00

Remember that, family?

Mom tells Bryan to clean his room, Bryan rolls his eyes and answers "Oh Martha"...

Dad yells at Bryan about talking back, and Bryan gets in the last word, "Oh Martha"...

The boys are wrestling and Bryan yells "Oh Martha" (but doesn't tap out)

Bryan sees something funny on tv and giggles "Oh Martha!"

Sometimes I wonder how that kid survived to his 26th birthday.

Christmas 1988: Chris, Emily, Natalie, Bryan, Hilary, Brandon

Real life drama

2011-09-26T20:18:00.003-06:00

I'm so over real life. I'm so over being a grown up. Last week I noticed something leaking down the wall in my house. After noticing a few more symptoms and a couple of phone calls with my Dad and Chris, we determined it's a water pipe leaking, probably going up the old (unused) chimney to the upstairs from the water heater that is just below in the basement. Chris told me I should turn off the gas to the water heater and the water main at night and when I'm at work so I don't risk the pipe bursting when I'm not around to take care of it. I'm trying to get someone out to fix it, but I don't trust anyone and it's kind of a major job. Not only that but it's really disrupting my marathon training efforts; I mean, when am I supposed to shower?

I know I sound like a complainer and I know nobody feels sorry for me, but on top of everything I had to get a filling in my tooth tonight and the whole side of my face is numb and I feel like I'm on the verge of an anxiety attack. I thought the chocolate shake for dinner would make me feel better, but I've been eating so healthy lately it only made me feel sick. I need my mom and I need a mental health day.

Epic fail

2011-09-25T17:19:00.002-06:00

For the first time since I started running, I couldn't finish my Saturday long run. I was supposed to run 15 miles and I barely made it 10. I don't know what happened. Thursday I left work early to take a nap, which I never do. I rarely even nap on the weekends. So maybe I'm coming down with something, but I feel fine. Maybe I'm just tired. I ate ice cream on Friday night, so maybe it was the sugar. Maybe it was staying out too late, maybe it was sleeping in too late, maybe it was running in the middle of the day in the heat. I don't know.

I'm worried about the marathon on October 30. I know I say that every time. I'm in better shape than I was last year, but I haven't been getting in the weekly mileage. I still have five weeks, four Saturdays. It might be time to re-think the plan, but I don't know how many more notches I can take it up before I just collapse altogether. What do I do?

It's hard out here for a pimp, I mean Cougar

2011-09-25T17:02:00.007-06:00

As in fan, not as in I want to sleep with the players (well maybe one or two). Dare I admit I went to the game last week? If you can even call it that. Marie came into town and we went together. We had a fun weekend but I can't really say the game was the highlight. It could be a frustrating year; sometimes it's hard to be a fan.

Marie hates this picture but I made the (bad) decision not to wear make up to the game (like an idiot thinking I'd wear my sunglasses the whole time - the game started at 7) and my hair needed to be colored so the less you see of me the better.

In other news, Sara A. came into town for the general RS meeting so we went to the BYU-UCF game on Friday night. We got our tickets from some dude on the street for five bucks. Much better experience...

We met up with Michelle and her step-daughter at halftime. Go Cougs!

Guess what I love

2011-09-20T18:33:00.003-06:00

I love going to the Dermatologist. I love when he puts on the purple plastic gloves to examine every inch of my body with his special microscope that has some kind of UV light to see cancerous moles. I love that of all places, I have a mole in my butt crack. And I love that I get to do this every year for the rest of my life. Yippee.

Oh, and I love getting the same wart on my middle finger burned off for the third time and I love that I get to go back in six weeks for round four.

Today's accomplishments

2011-09-15T21:07:00.003-06:00

Started taking my vitamins again (oh my doctor would be so proud).

Increased my box jumps to a 16" box instead of just a 12" box (need to get up to 20").

Had the house sprayed for wasps (heck yeah I consider this an accomplishment - anything that has to do with the house is a J.O.B. and it's all I can do to get myself to make the phone call sometimes).

Finally gave in and decided to read "The Help" before I go see the movie. I don't know why I've been holding out like a stubborn mule.

Yes, I work with this person

2011-09-13T21:07:00.002-06:00

No more DC for you know who

2011-09-12T17:17:00.002-06:00

I STOPPED DRINKING DIET COKE!!!

I started to write this really great blog post about it a week and a half ago, then got distracted and still haven't finished it. Oh well. Maybe I'll get back to that one and spin it another way, but I just had to let everyone know. I'm so proud of myself! It took about five days to get over the headaches, with the first three almost unbearable and the last two manageable with a little vitamin I(buprofen). I tried to do it without Excedrin so I could get over the caffeine addiction as quickly as possible.

Labor Day was hard because I worked in my house and yard for about 10 hours and could have really used some caffeinated refreshment, but I held strong. And Saturday after my run, laying on the couch icing my knees and watching college football, was also really hard, but I held strong. This is the beginning of the New Nat!

My poor burned legs

2011-09-07T17:21:00.004-06:00

I know you're all sick of hearing about my laser hair removal - believe me, I'm sick of getting it. Yesterday I sneaked an appointment in before I had to go to my work dinner, and for the first time in the year I've been doing this I got burned. I haven't been in the sun in weeks, which is usually what causes you to burn. In fact, I have even been running in long pants this past week because I didn't feel like doing laundry. I don't understand it. The whole time it hurt like a motherf____, but I thought it was just because more hair had grown in or something (the last few times it hasn't hurt that bad because there's so much less hair).

While I was driving to the restaurant, I had to pull my pant legs up above my knees and turn the A/C fan onto the floor so the cool air would blow on my legs. It looked like a splotchy red rash all around my knees and up and down my shins. It was gross. But the best part was when I pulled up to the valet and forgot what I looked like until I had already stepped out of the car: pants hiked up, rash/burn, chalk marks dividing my legs into zones... So then I stood there in front of him fixing my pants and telling him why I looked so retarded. Meanwhile he was thinking "you don't look retarded, you ARE retarded!" Poor kid.

Lesson learned

2011-09-06T22:56:00.006-06:00

It's official - as of tonight I can never again order steak at a restaurant when I'm at a work dinner, family dinner, or with anyone else who might judge me for sending it back. I like my steak between medium rare and medium (more on the medium-rare side), so I always order it medium rare plus. Any self-respecting steak house ought to be able to get that right. But it never fails, when I'm in a large group I end up with an overcooked piece of...

What usually happens is that several people order the same cut cooked multiple ways, and mine ends up getting switched with someone else's. So I begrudgingly eat my medium-well steak (what is wrong with people? why would anyone ever order a filet mignon cooked medium well?), while I hear someone across the table say "mmm, this is a little less done than I normally like it, but it's the best steak I've ever had!" I sit there fuming, thinking "why don't you learn how to order your steak in the future so next time we can all enjoy our perfectly cooked pieces of meat, eh?"

Another time I was at a family dinner - we were getting a great deal at this nice restaurant in Park City because Jacey was managing the resort's spa - and I sent my steak back (to everyone in my family's horror) because it was overcooked. I acted like what my dad would call a knucklehead and felt like a total idiot afterwards.

Enough with putting on my big girl pants and eating food I don't want. From now on I will be ordering halibut at dinners like these, and I'll just have to stick with eating steak at Fleming's with Lady G. She gets it. (And she will laugh at this snotty, somewhat sarcastic post, because she gets it. Haha, love ya G!)

California

2011-08-25T20:23:00.000-06:00

Maybe this will sound weird, but when I see the ocean things just make more sense.

Bodega Bay

Santa Cruz

Monterey

Molera Beach (Big Sur)

Jade Cove (Big Sur)

McWay Falls (Julie Pfeiffer Burns State Park, Big Sur)

Surfrider Beach (Malibu)

Huntington Beach

Natalie and Katie in Long Beach

Now I get it

2011-08-25T20:11:00.003-06:00

It's funny how many callings I've had since I've been in this ward. Things just change constantly and you just go where you're needed I guess. Our new Bishop was formerly the Elder's Quorum President, so when he got called to be Bishop they needed a new EQP. The new EQP was formerly the youth Sunday School teacher, so you can see where this is heading... Yes, I am the new youth Sunday School teacher. I have all of 'em, ages 12-18, in our tiny little ward. It's a lot of work, preparing those lessons every week. It's not like Relief Society where you can skim through the manual and ask a few thought-provoking questions that result in an hour-long conversation among the sisters. Nooo. These kids expect you to know your stuff. They act indifferent but they come to Sunday School to be fed. They may not know it, but I do. I feel such a huge responsibility to be the kind of teacher they deserve.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just sitting in front of them entertaining them. Sometimes it's hardly different from when I was leading the music in Primary. But then someone in the ward tells me that I've connected with her babysitter's younger brother. Or the Senior in high school football star shares a story about feeling the Holy Ghost in his life. Or the 16 year old kid who's been inactive for the last two years volunteers to give the closing prayer. And I get it. I see the point to all of this. These kids, these noble young people...wow. There's nowhere better in this world for me to be than in that class each Sunday associating with them.

Oh Dallas

2011-08-22T20:28:00.010-06:00

What went wrong:

Waited too long to book my flight so I had to fly on US Airways instead of Delta with a layover in Phoenix

Almost didn't have a seat on my first flight because I boarded as the gate was closing (surprise, surprise)

Phone died in Phoenix and couldn't get it to turn on until 6pm tonight

Phoenix-Dallas flight delayed, didn't get to the hotel until almost 2am

Older plane with teeny tiny seats - made me feel huge

Pressed "off" on the alarm clock instead of "snooze" (since I couldn't use the alarm on my phone)

Forgot my toothbrush

Blow dryer in the hotel room didn't work

Funky line on the screen of my BRAND NEW laptop that I had to pull off a coup to get last week

No phone in my cubicle at the office (no working cell phone either - amazing how much I rely on that thing!)

Left my presentation for Wednesday sitting on my dining room table at home

Forgot to get cash from the bank on Friday (lost my debit card in Chicago and haven't received a new one yet) and only took my American Express to the nail salon, which they don't accept, so I had to beg them to let me come back later with another credit card (how embarrassing!)

What went right:

Maybe I want to move here after all (sigh)

Just a training run where someone else plans the course and provides the water

2011-08-20T19:00:00.006-06:00

If I didn't look at it that way, I would consider today's effort at the Hobble Creek Half completely unacceptable. I'm at that point again, where if I don't start to get serious about training for my marathon it's not going to happen, I'm not going to be ready. I remember the summer of 2007 when I was training for St. George, running on the treadmill and having that same realization. It was the first week of August and the marathon was the first week of October. I had been running but not like I should. From that point on I dedicated myself to not only running but preparing myself in every way physically and mentally. St. George was the best race I have ever run. I improved my time, I felt good, I was ready for it. I want to feel that way in two and a half months when I run the Marine Corps Marathon.

What I need to do: drink water, run!, go to CrossFit, eat better, and sleep more. I need to figure out a way to get more done at work each day so I'm not working until midnight every night from home. I need to stop feeling stressed all the time, so I can sleep at night and start to lose weight. Most importantly, I need to remember how much I love to run and do it because it makes me feel good, not because I'm accomplishing a goal. I'm tired of missing the point of life. It's like I do all these things then I shrug my shoulders and say "what now?"

So starting with today... Hobble Creek Canyon was beautiful. I was in a lot of pain the last few miles, but I'm so glad I did it. I'm proud of my mom and sister Cecily who are now officially in the half marathoners club! I'm hoping they're as addicted as I am so we can make this an annual thing (I think they are). They were so amazing and we had so much fun doing it together. I will also begrudgingly add that I'm proud of myself too. I can honestly say I'm doing my best right now, even if my 2011 best isn't as good as my 2007 best. I'm putting forth the effort and I'm not giving up. The results aren't what I'd like them to be, but for now that's going to be good enough.

Natalie, Marian, Cecily

Something 'Bout Love

2011-08-18T20:21:00.007-06:00

I guess I've always had a thing for boy bands, although I usually go for the bad boy of the group (Donnie: NKOTB, AJ: Backstreet Boys, you get the picture). Maybe it's okay for this rock fan to luuuv pop music if I stick with the edgy ones. With one exception. David Archuleta. I love him. Love. Him. Of course, not as much as my dad's high school friend who has stalked him all over the globe (I've seen the facebook pictures to prove it). Just count me with those skinny Asian teenagers and their Hello Kitty handbags. I might be in tears at one of his concerts too.

Disclaimer: Okay, I'm really talking about his music, not him. I actually think he's kind of a bowser when it comes to looks. Pretty sure he tweezes that suspicious-looking area between his eyebrows...

Chicago-Nauvoo trip, aka "The Wedding"

2011-08-14T20:03:00.005-06:00

Yay for Brandon and Jackie! After waiting for her for a year and a half while she served a mission, Brandon was finally able to take his sweetheart to the temple to get married and sealed. The trip was a whirlwind and didn't feel like much of a vacation for anyone, but we did a lot and had a good time. Highlights:

Reading on the flights there and back ("Winds of War" - great book)
Running along Lake Shore Drive (hoping I won't die next Saturday during the half)
Cubs game!
Riding bikes with Chris/Jacey and Cecily/Collin to Millennium Park, Buckingham Fountain and the Art Institute (watching Chris pop wheelies every half block or so, Cecily pretending to spank strangers on the butt as she rode by)
Skydeck at Sears Tower
My own hotel room in Nauvoo, where I actually got two good nights of sleep
Seeing the David Yearsley home in Nauvoo (sister missionaries live there and apparently it's haunted), signing the register in the seventies hall as a family member of David Yearsley
The wedding (of course) and the beautiful Nauvoo Temple
Sadly, this wasn't a good food/eating trip; we were just in too much of a hurry all the time. But the post-wedding dinner at the Hotel Nauvoo was a great time.
Botanic Gardens of Chicago (especially the Japanese Gardens)
And the best thing of all? I didn't spend any money shopping! Just peeked into the H&M on Michigan Avenue...

Vacation Pics

2011-08-14T19:46:00.003-06:00

Sweet Is the Peace the Gospel Brings

2011-08-14T19:38:00.003-06:00

So much on my mind; something I can't get out of my mind...

1. Sweet is the peace the gospel brings
To seeking minds and true.
With light refulgent on its wings,
It clears the human view.

2. Its laws and precepts are divine
And show a Father’s care.
Transcendent love and mercy shine
In each injunction there.

3. Faithless tradition flees its pow’r,
And unbelief gives way.
The gloomy clouds, which used to low’r,
Submit to reason’s sway.

4. May we who know the sacred Name
From every sin depart.
Then will the Spirit’s constant flame
Preserve us pure in heart.

5. Ere long the tempter’s power will cease,
And sin no more annoy,
No wrangling sects disturb our peace,
Or mar our heartfelt joy.

6. That which we have in part received
Will be in part no more,
For he in whom we all believe
To us will all restore.

7. In patience, then, let us possess
Our souls till he appear.
On to our mark of calling press;
Redemption draweth near.

Text: Mary Ann Morton, 1826–1897

Roommates

2011-08-08T19:21:00.000-06:00

I thought I was too old for roommates, but decided to give it another chance when I had the opportunity to have two Physical Therapy (graduate) students from Duke stay with me for five months while they did an internship at the VA. And anyway, why would I continue to let this potential income I have go to waste when I have things to spend it on like furniture and traveling? Honestly, it has been the best experience; I can't complain at all. They have been wonderful these last five months, and in the few days since they headed back to Duke I've felt like a lonely loser, walking around the house like a lost puppy, not knowing what to do with myself! I will miss you Kayla and Tania! You better come back to Utah and visit!

This is as far as we made it in our efforts to summit Mount Timpanogos on Pioneer Day weekend. It was so beautiful and the weather was perfect for hiking. We stopped for a little while here, talking to other hikers and eating our sandwiches. (You can see in the top picture some people on the glacier.)

What is UP with all these creepers?

2011-08-07T16:05:00.004-06:00

This week:

You heard about the scammer.

I had to get some special code to get into my blog because Google "detected suspicious activity" and locked me out.

Last night I got home around 12:30am and there was this guy walking across my grass. He was probably in his 50s, tall and slender, in black pants and a black tank top. He stood in front of my house and watched me pull into my driveway. I was freaked out. Since the roommates just moved out I haven't quite gotten back my living alone paranoia, and I left the house last night without leaving any lights on, including the porch light. So it was pitch black and then this dude...

I pulled out of my driveway, too afraid to get out of the car and go inside. I pulled around the corner and saw that he had walked about one house down but was just standing there watching me. I drove a big loop through the neighborhood and came back to the house about five minutes later, and guess who was back? Yeah, scary man in black. Just standing there. Facing the house. This time I didn't even pull into the driveway, I just drove a few blocks away, pulled over, and called the police.

Dispatch said they'd send someone out so I went home and sat in my car in my driveway, with all the doors locked and my phone in my hand. After about 15 minutes two police cars pulled up. For the first time in my life I was so happy to see two cops I wanted to hug them. I jumped out of my car and told them what happened. When they offered to come in and search the house I said yes please. One guy went upstairs while the other one walked around downstairs with me and then went into the basement. I closed and locked all the windows, the police left, I double checked all the doors, and then sat in my bedroom wide awake for at least an hour. Eventually I went to bed, but I didn't sleep a wink all night.

The weird thing is, at dinner we had gotten into this interesting discussion that had made me feel a little on my guard. It was just too weird, the coincidence. Call me crazy, but I think I need to get a gun.

My three levels of drama

2011-08-06T11:33:00.005-06:00

Level 3: calm, happy, things are good. I tend not to blog as regularly when I'm at level 3 drama because I'm busy and life just makes sense. If I'm training for a race, I'm on track with nothing to fear. I'm probably also praying, reading my scriptures, paying my tithing, going to church and doing my visiting teaching. Now let's be honest. Maintaining level 3 drama is rare and precious because of one little problem I have: procrastination.

Level 2: Where I operate probably 60-75% of the time. I wouldn't call this drama queen territory, necessarily, but sometimes I do fear a little for my health when it seems the stress gauge is stuck in the red zone. You can tell I'm at level 2 when I'm blogging a lot, because it usually means I have a lot on my mind and I'm sorting through or thinking about "stuff." I also tend to complain a lot at level 2. My neurosis and self deprecation are on a roll and I feel the need to talk about EVERYthing.

Level 1: I'm here more than I'd like to be and more than I'd like to admit. The drama is so bad it's embarrassing. I don't blog. I have nothing so say and I'm probably too busy watching TV or reading a magazine anyway. I might be at level 1 right now on my running. If you've noticed, I haven't said much about the Marine Corps Marathon I'm signed up to do in October, or the Hobble Creek Half I'm signed up to do in two weeks. I haven't done jack in a month. I ran seven miles today and it might do me in for the rest of the weekend. I haven't talked about it because at first I was pretending I forgot I had a race coming up, and then two weeks ago when I had a cow over how fat I've gotten (I am literally the Goodyear Blimp's twin sister) I started running but I'm seriously ashamed to talk about it. Tendinitis, ankle, Timp hike, sick (twice), work, vacation...oh, I have tons of excuses.

Do you think I can get myself to believe I'm all the way down at level 3 by tonight? Or how about this novel thought? Believe it all the time. It is what it is, and what it's supposed to be. Now that wouldn't be any fun!

Speaking of blond hair...

2011-08-05T17:42:00.002-06:00

I'm just wondering if I'll ever be skinny, blond, and have long hair ALL at the same time.

Not lost in translation, but close

2011-08-05T17:40:00.000-06:00

I applied for a random job at a US-based company in Tokyo and got this response, in Japanese, which my friend threw into an online translator to get the following:

Dear sirs When a bottom is I'm glad to hear that you are well and prospering more and more, I am pleased at time. By the way, this time on the occasion of the recruitment of the post of our [job title], Thank you for applying. As a result of having selected it about you carefully at once, I can't comply with hope regrettably. I just notify you of this matter. I ask to give you [un-translatable Japanese characters] I beg you to understand my position. Finally, I pray for your future luck. Yours sincerely, [company name] Human resource department [Name]

I guess they're not interested, haha.

Desperate man

2011-08-04T19:08:00.008-06:00

So weird. I was sitting in Barnes and Noble, flipping through some books, when I couldn't help but overhear an alarming phone conversation from the guy sitting two seats away. He was very emotional asking this person to wire some money. He explained that his wife had left his wallet somewhere the night before as she was out running errands. Through the course of the conversation I learned that they had just moved to Utah, were moving into their new house the next day, had a baby who was being released from the hospital in the next 30 minutes, and because they had lost their wallet, they couldn't pay for a hotel or buy baby formula. My heart broke as he talked about his dilemma and begged this person on the phone to send him the money he needed, forty dollars, or just pray for a miracle. When he hung up the phone I was compelled to ask him if he would let me help him. He seemed shocked, but said yes, and I ran across the street to the nearest ATM to get the cash for him. He met me in front of the book store and accepted the money with tears in his eyes.

About an hour later I was feeling pretty good about myself when I started wondering... What was he doing in Barnes and Noble? Where was the wife and other child he kept mentioning? Why did they only have one wallet? One credit card? Where did they stay last night and how did they pay for it? This was either a really desperate man or the best con artist ever.

I hate that I can't just do a genuine good deed without suspecting that I might have gotten scammed. Ugh. I'll just have to hand this one over to Karma.

The shampoo bowl, a necessity of life

2011-08-04T18:42:00.003-06:00

Add this to your list of must-have aphrodisiacs (after you're married of course): the salon-style shampoo bowl. Randy's assistant James washed my hair this afternoon and if he weren't so damn gay it would have been a huge turn on. Best shampoo EVER! If only he hadn't taken so long to blow dry my hair or called me "honey" (sigh).

P.S. I'm totally blond and I love it. First all-over hair color in a looong time. It's really pretty. The hair, I mean.

Can someone frickin' marry me so I can quit my job and become a teacher?

2011-07-28T22:05:00.001-06:00

If only the money didn't matter...

Kevin the trainee

2011-07-24T19:11:00.004-06:00

I don't know how, but I convinced my roommates to eat lunch with me at the great B.O. (Brick Oven) in Provo. It's a good thing the pizza and root beer are so good because the service...well let's talk about that. Our server, a white guy from Massachusetts named Turrell (wth?) let us know that he was working with a trainee and we could give him any feedback afterward. We were like yeah yeah, just bring us our water (we had been hiking since 8am and were dirty, hungry and tired). Kevin came over and spent 20 minutes telling us about the specials while my roommates looked at their menus and ignored him. I, feeling a little sorry for Kevin, made eye contact and nodded my head and smiled politely. That was just the beginning.

Poor Kevin brought drinks to the table next to us, and, no expert at balancing a tray, he spilled one of the sodas all over his tray, himself, and the table. But instead of coming back with a towel to clean it up, he came back with a new drink. One of the managers, who had begun to mop, looked at him and said "you might want to go get a towel." We couldn't stop giggling watching the poor guy. Then he told one of the other tables that they were awesome and we were like "what about us?" Anyway, we made it through without too many other glitches until the manager came over and tried to start a conversation with us while handing us our credit cards and receipts one at a time (how annoying).

Now that I think about it, last time I was there with Marie, our server kept interrupting us while we were in the middle solving the world's problems (probably talking about boys).

Who do they think they are, a five-star restaurant?

The time I got hit by a car on my bike

2011-07-13T22:04:00.003-06:00

Okay, actually I mean the time I was riding my bike and hit a car (kind of like the time I hit the trailer full of corn, but that's one of the few embarrassing stories I've decided I'm not going to blog about - I have to save something for in-person embarrassing story conversations!).

I was with my friend Tracey, riding bikes through this mall parking lot near our house (in Long Beach). I was going way too fast, and as I sped around the corner I hit, head on, an old lady in her car stopped at the stop sign. There wasn't any damage to her car, but I hit her hard enough to land on the hood of her car and bend the front rim on my bike.

Just watching the tour and thinking about bike accidents, haha.

Tear down the wall

2011-07-01T19:11:00.003-06:00

Reflection and Prayer

Closing your eyes, see yourself standing in a golden light.

See all the flesh you think of as excess weight as a brick wall that you carry around. Looking closely at the wall, see that it is made up of your own suffering and pain.

Now ask God to walk up to the wall with you. Together, the two of you begin to take down each brick, one by one, and ultimately dismantle the wall. Explain to Him what each brick means to you, then watch how whenever He touches a brick, it crumbles.

Do not rush away from this vision; rather, hold it for as long as you can. Spirit will illumine your understanding and give you the permission to feel the pain that you've denied for so long. And the pain will begin to leave...

Dear God,

Please remove the wall that I have built around me.

I have built it so strong,

dear God,

that I cannot tear it down.

I surrender to You

every thought of separation,

every feeling of fear,

every unforgiving thought.

Please, dear God,

take this burden

from me forever.

Amen

A Course in Weight Loss: 21 Spiritual Lessons For Surrendering Your Weight, Marianne Williamson

A little 5k

2011-06-29T21:43:00.003-06:00

I said no to the half marathon, but Sara didn't have to twist my arm to run the 5k with her. It was a fundraiser for cancer patients at American Fork hospital. They've been doing the 5k for a few years, but this was the first year they did a half marathon, and the first time ever American Fork Canyon has been closed for a race. If they get permission again next year I'd actually really like to do it.

As usual, I have a lot to say, but I'm tired tonight and don't feel like spending the time thinking about how to tell the story, so you'll have to talk to me in person if you're interested (which I'm guessing will be, um, no one).

Yes, I'm getting faster, little by little, and yes, 35 minutes is still a pathetic time for a 5k. Internal conflict number 17,042.

Blind date story

2011-06-28T21:17:00.002-06:00

Tonight I went to an outdoor concert at Brigham Young Historic Park in Salt Lake with my Relief Society sistas. As I drove up to the park I had an unhappy memory flash through my mind. It was actually a looong time ago, but it was the only other time I've been to that park, hence the flashback.

I went on this blind date with this kind of intense guy. He had been in the military, and I don't know/remember how my mom met him, but she's the one who set us up. Mistake #1. We met at the Gateway and had lunch and probably went to a movie. Afterwards he asked if I'd go up to this park with him. Mistake #2.

We sat on the grass, he pulled out his journal and started telling me he wanted to read me something that meant a lot to him. I was like, okay, maybe it's a poem or a passage that's meant to give me a better idea of who he is. Nah-ah. It was something HE had written. Not only that, he CRIED while he read it to me. Okay, maybe if I knew him better, or AT ALL, I might have been touched. But seriously, it was all I could do not to laugh. Yeah, I know, totally immature.

Let's just say that experience resulted in a new blind date rule: my mom is never allowed to set me up ever again.

Ever heard of a courtesy flush?

2011-06-28T16:27:00.006-06:00

Me and my hound-dog nose. It's a problem. I really have issues with the bathroom at work. I know I can't tell people to stop using it altogether, but I wish they would do the following:

Courtesy flush. People please! You might enjoy wallowing in your stench, but a couple flushes while you're going makes a world of difference to the rest of us.

Brush your teeth at home. I know I'm going to get flack for this one. Yeah, yeah, you should brush after every meal. But EWWWW, I can't STAND the smell of food, toothpaste, breath and spit all mixed up. Grody.

Wash your dishes at home. I might even take this over the courtesy flush. Nothing grosses me out more than walking into the bathroom and seeing someone washing their dishes (that they will probably re-use tomorrow) in the same sink that someone just brushed their teeth in, in the same bathroom where some old lady is wallowing in her stench.

Don't drink and drive

2011-05-18T19:14:00.003-06:00

So I'm walking down the sidewalk after work one night, heading towards my car, and I hear this crazy person coming up behind me yelling "don't drink and drive!" He's coming at me pretty fast so I assume he's on a bike or something and step to the side of the sidewalk. Just in time. He passes me. He's speeding down the sidewalk, on a bike. I can smell the liquor as he calls out again, "don't drink and drive!" and giggles. All I can see is a backpack and a pasty white BARE ASS. He's leaning over his handle bars and his pants are being held up by his...not sure. I stop in my tracks and laugh out loud. And continue to laugh the entire way to my car.

Is it fate or is it me?

2011-05-16T18:04:00.006-06:00

I didn't pass the essay portion of the Foreign Service Officer selection process, so no, I will not be taking the oral assessments. I can't even re-take the written test until next year. It blows.

Was it me? I wish I would have put more effort into the essays and not procrastinated. From the day I found out I passed the test to the day the essays were due, I had three weeks. During the first two weeks I was wishy-washy about my desire to be a FSO (I wanted to get married remember?), then all of a sudden I had the fire but didn't have a free night to write them. So I took one evening, the day they were due, and wrote good essays that weren't great, and obviously not good enough to advance to the next level. I wish I could feel like I made my best effort and say it just wasn't meant to be, but I can't.

Or was it? Maybe it wasn't meant to be...this year. You see, I had decided that if I advanced to the oral assessment, I would continue with the status quo for the next year or so. I mean, what's the point of making a major life decision such as selling my house or looking for a new job in a new city if I'm just going to pick up and leave the country in a year? Maybe fate stepped in and said NATALIE BLACK YOU NEED TO MAKE A CHANGE AND YOU NEED TO DO IT NOW.

So after a few tears and a phone call to my mom, I made a list of my options, ALL of them. And guess what? There are a lot. I'm done waiting around. I'm done being afraid. I'm done hoping some man will come into my life and change everything. Expect to hear some big news from me in the near future. In fact, hold me to it.

Today I wish

2011-05-11T10:42:00.007-06:00

I wish I would hurry and hear back from the foreign service about whether or not I'm invited to take the oral assessment

I wish I could go to lunch with my old work friends Mark and Jake

I wish I could love my job

I wish my job was to read books for pleasure

I wish Mao Zedong had never been born

I wish I could go to an island somewhere for six months and do nothing but drink virgin pina coladas and blog (okay, as long as I'm wishing...do they have to be virgin?)

I wish I had no debt, a nice car, central air, new furniture and a remodeled kitchen

I wish my boss had approved my expense reports two weeks ago so I'd have more than one dollar left in my bank account

I wish it wasn't so hard to do the little things, for example my before-bed routine like floss my teeth and say my prayers

I wish the lady at the nail salon hadn't butchered my nails back in February, and I wish they'd grow out faster

I wish this damn wart on my middle finger would go away, I wish liquid nitrogen didn't burn so bad, I wish once was enough

I wish I could be skinny and still eat as much sugar and caffeine as I wanted

I wish I didn't have to buy three new pairs of size-12 pants when I have about 15 pairs of size-8 pants sitting in my closet gathering dust

I wish Marie was coming this weekend instead of next

I wish it would be warm and sunny every day

I wish there was no such thing as a slumdog, or I wish they could all win "Who Wants to Be a Mill-un-aire" and live happily ever after in love

I wish I didn't still wish...

Lazerrhayweemoooovallll....

2011-05-09T17:24:00.002-06:00

I took an ativan today before my laser hair removal appointment because I am NOT feeling well at ALL and I was stressing about going. My stomach is upset and I have the worst headache ever. Our Controller is in town and I had to meet with him and my boss today to talk about our forecast (budget) and I have a May 25 deadline on a project I'm totally stressed about. I'm either going to start throwing up and not be able to stop, or I'm going to start crying and not be able to stop. It's funny when you're medicated and super calm and people say your name really loud to get your attention, like you're 5 years old and daydreaming. Well at least it did its work, keeping me from feeling too much while I was enduring the painful process of getting my hair folicles zapped.

Sugar Hood news

2011-05-08T22:20:00.003-06:00

Mother's Day. The Primary kids sang in Sacrament and guess who played the piano in front of the whole ward? Including the stake presidency? Yeah, that's right, me. Not that anyone notices the pianist (unless you mess up), but my hands were shaking so bad when I got up there and I was pretty proud when all was said and done and I had made it through without embarrassing myself. I think I'd rather give a talk than play the piano. Yikes.

We also got a new bishopric today. The reason this is such big news is because two of my friends' husbands were called. One to be bishop and the other to be first counselor. The guy who got called to be bishop wasn't even a high priest; he had to be sustained first as a high priest before they could extend the call to be bishop. They are both so young, I honestly don't know how their wives, my friends, are going to do it. I need to talk to both of them about what I can do to help. Go over in the morning and help get kids ready for church? Sit next to them in Sacrament meeting? I don't know.

I had a couple of thoughts on everything that happened today. First, why did they have to do it on Mother's Day? Kind of ruins the day for my girlfriends (I guess every Sunday will be tougher going forward). Second, I started thinking about what kind of woman is married to a man who becomes bishop when he is barely 30. Or, in other words, what kind of woman does that kind of man want to marry? Probably not the kind of woman who thinks her day would be ruined if her husband got called to be bishop. But seriously...if I'm not 40 by the time I get married, would that kind of man want to be with me? Well, honestly? No, he wouldn't. Potentially? Yes. But that woman's buried pretty deep and would take a lot of work to emerge. Something to think about though...

Rachel Zoe

2011-05-05T21:27:00.002-06:00

We love her because she's accessible, trendy with a bit of an edge. We can copy what the celebrities are wearing without too much effort or expense. I'm no fashion guru, but I pay enough attention to know she's not doing anything special.

She goes her own way

2011-05-01T20:32:00.011-06:00

If you've ever been curious about my dating life, today would be the day to read my blog. I'm not going to share everything but I need to go around and around a little to tell this story. There's this song I love called "Chemistry of a Car Crash" and that title perfectly describes my situation. It's like the stars aligned to set me up for the biggest disappointment of my dating life. I know it's over, he doesn't want me and he won't read this blog because he doesn't care enough to try to find out anything about me, so this is for me. I'm not going to dump on him or try to analyze him and his motives, and I'm not even going to be specific about our relationship, but I'm hurting so bad and I need to work out how I got here.

I don't love to date. I haven't met that many people that I'd even be interested in dating. Maybe that's because I'm goal oriented so I can't just date for fun; I'm always dating with a purpose. There was one person, years ago, who I thought I would marry... a twist of fate... it didn't happen. I think I was shocked more than anything, but truly he was supposed to be with someone else and the situation for them was too serendipitous for me to think otherwise. Other than him there has only been one other person I even considered.

I always said I was open to getting married if I met the right person, but I wasn't going to sit around and wait for it. Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake having that attitude. Shouldn't it have been a bigger priority? Just like school and everything else I put so much effort into over the years? Should I have been seeking it more than I sought after education and success? It's too late now and those are painful questions that just aren't worth asking anymore.

When I was little I had this age in my head: 28. At BYU and as I got into my 20's it made it easy to just keep moving forward with my life; 28 seemed so far away and I wasn't worried at all about whether or not it would happen. I always said it was not a question of "if" but "when." I've always been confident that marriage and a family were in my future. I was about 27 when the desire to get married and the feeling that I was ready started to get stronger. I bought my first house that fall. One of the things I felt as I walked through it the second time was "I'm going to be married in this house."

So maybe it has nothing to do with him at all, but when I met "the guy" a few weeks after my 28th birthday - we had the best first date ever and he was exactly the guy I would pick for myself in every way - I thought he was the one. We had a couple of great dates and then he just blew me off. I was devastated. Yes, I was messed up after two dates. Every time I would think about it I would get so frustrated and I would just ask "why?" How could I meet someone and have this connection, that I never have, and he not be interested in me? Why did I have to meet him at all? I've always considered myself a very perceptive person when it comes to others; I saw this guy, who he really was. How could I be so off in my assumption that he felt the same connection to me? Could I even trust my intuition, my perceptions, anymore at all?

I'm a little embarrassed to say that's when I started running. I had to put my mind to something, accomplish something that seemed impossible. I'd been in a car accident a few months prior and was just able to start working out again. One night I was at the gym, running on the treadmill (actually hating it), and I thought "I'm going to run a marathon." That was also the same time that I decided to get my MBA, so although I was totally overwhelmed at least my mind was completely on other things.

As things calmed down - I had started school and finished the marathon - out of the blue one day I decided to reach out to him. We emailed a little and then I asked him if he wanted to get together. I'm not going to get into how those next few months progressed, but in many ways I feel like I made a fool of myself, and when it didn't work out I thought it was all my fault. I thought about it constantly and cried every day for probably three months. To be fair to him, I never told him how I felt or what I wanted. (Really?) I was so afraid to lose him (I never really had him) and I thought it would just happen naturally so I didn't say anything. I thought he would just know by my actions, and I assumed, from his, he felt the same way. But again, this isn't about him, it's about me. He didn't know my hopes and expectations, and he definitely wasn't in the same place. Maybe I just put everything into him, onto him, selfishly, because I was ready and it was what I wanted.

It took me about two years to get over it. I had the strongest feeling there would be a round three so it took me a long time to give it up. Yes, I dated during that time, but I guess if you're holding on to someone else, even if it's just a shadow in the back of your mind, you're not going to be open to new possibilities. Dating was more of a distraction and not even that fun. But I was stubborn and never tried to get him back. I went through the temple, ran another marathon and was full throttle ahead into my second and final year of school. I went to Asia, started a new job, graduated, and by Christmas, almost two years from when it had ended, I was ready to get serious about two things: running and finding someone new. Unfortunately 2009, and even a little of 2010, was a black hole. That is one thing I'm not willing to talk about on this blog (yet). Let's just say I didn't make much progress on those goals for almost two years.

Hawaii and the Honolulu Marathon were a fork in the road that I could see in the distance. It was going to be a time of reflection, of pushing myself and finding my new baseline so I'd know where I needed to go and what I needed and wanted to do with my future. I knew I had no business even training for a marathon - I'd hardly exercised in two years - but that wasn't the point. It was a test. Could I go to the edge and come back okay? In December, a few weeks before the marathon, I prayed, "Heavenly Father, something needs to change. I can't keep doing this. This life. Tell me what to do. Something has to change. Something has to change. I'm at the end of my rope."

The day before the marathon, I was sitting in my hotel room checking my email and I had an email from him. It had been almost four years since we dated and two years since I'd heard from him (and two years since I'd supposedly gotten over him). I was consumed with anxiety over the marathon the next day and was so thrown off guard that all I could do was burst into tears. It was so sudden and so emotional that Alex came out of the bathroom, took one look at me looking at my computer, and asked me if someone had died. I couldn't speak, I just turned the computer towards her and let her read the email.

It couldn't be a coincidence, the timing. Was this it? The answer to my prayers? There had been a couple times in recent months when I'd thought about him with a sigh, but I told myself "you're never going to hear from him again, he's never going to change, and he's never going to want you as much as you want(ed) him, so forget about it!" But here he was asking about me, wanting to see me. I cannot go through the novella of thoughts I had from the time I got the email until the time I first saw him right after Christmas, but I was overly optimistic, confident in my perfect logic (assumptions) about his intentions, not even allowing for the possibility of alternatives. The chemistry of a car crash.

It's over now. I still don't know the answer to any of the "why's" I've been asking for the last five years. I know this: I can't wait another five years. I won't wait another five years. I deserve someone who wants to spend time with me, who can honestly express how he feels about me, and who is concerned about and considerate of my feelings. I want to date with a purpose someone who has a strong testimony of the gospel and is looking for a companion, an equal partner, to raise a family and spend eternity with. I will give everything to that man.

I don't really know what my next move is. I know I'm so sad I can barely breathe some days. It's not all him, a lot of it's just my own disappointment in the idea of him. I'm a little angry too; don't for a second think I'm some crazy girl who completely misunderstood. I don't know what he's thinking or how he could do this to me a third time, but at the same time, I'm not even sure he knows how much I care and I'm too prideful to tell him. (He should, but it's irrelevant now.) They're my own hopes and expectations and I'm willing to take ownership of them. I pinned them on someone who wasn't willing or able.

What would I say to me if I were my sister? my daughter? my friend? I would say this is Plan A. You didn't f*ck up so bad that it's on to Plan B. This is the life you're meant to live. All these things will give you experience and be for your good. If you could see your life on a timeline, all things from beginning to end, and you knew you would have a husband who loved you and children you adore, would you give up everything in between to have it right now? That big life you've always wanted? You're going to get it. You're living it now. The Lord has much in store for you and your life can be bigger than you dreamed if you counsel with him, walk with him and live in harmony with his divine will.

If I were my sister, daughter, or friend, and I heard those things, I'd still have hope, I think.

Scottsdale

2011-05-01T13:27:00.000-06:00

All I can say is this trip wasn't anywhere near long enough...

Half Marathon Playlist

2011-05-01T13:01:00.003-06:00

I used the same playlist for the SLC half two weeks ago and the Thanksgiving Point half yesterday. It was overall a really good one. There are a few songs on there just for kicks, not necessarily the best running songs but songs I like. I'm sure it won't be hard to figure out. Fifty-one songs, on shuffle, didn't get to all of them:

All Time Low, Weightless
Anberlin, Feel Good Drag
Ashes Divide, The Stone
Atreyu, Slow Burn
Avril Lavigne, What the Hell
B.o.B., Airplanes
Boys Like Girls, Love Drunk
The Bravery, Public Service Announcement
Breaking Benjamin, I Will Not Bow
Britney Spears, Till the World Ends
Britney Spears, Hold it Against Me
Bullet for My Valentine, Alone
Cobra Starship, Hot Mess
Dead Country, Euro Thrash
Diddy, Coming Home
DJ Sammy, Heaven
Dr. Dre, I Need a Doctor
Eminem, Till I Collapse
Fall Out Boy, I Don't Care
Flo Rida, Right Round
Hey Monday, How You Love Me Now
Jessica Riddle, Even Angels Fall
Jordin Sparks, One Step At a Time
Kesha, Your Love Is My Drug
La Roux, Bulletproof
Lady Antebellum, Need You Now
Lady GaGa, Bad Romance
Lesley Roy, I'm Gone, I'm Going
Linkin Park, Faint
Liz Phair, Why Can't I?
Lostprophets, Rooftops (A Liberation Broadcast)
Madina Lake, Never Take Us Alive
Metric, Help I'm Alive
Metro Station, Control
Michelle Branch, Breathe
Muse, Hysteria
Nick Lachey, What's Left of Me
Puddle of Mudd, We Don't Have to Look Back Now
Sevendust, Driven
Shiny Toy Guns, You Are The One
Silversun Pickups, Panic Switch
Stacie Orrico, (There's Gotta Be) More to Life
The Starting Line, Island
Stone Sour, Say You'll Haunt Me
Taio Cruz, Higher
Three Days Grace, Life Starts Now
The Ting Tings, Shut Up and Let Me Go
Trust Company, Downfall
Usher, More (RedOne Jimmy Joker Remix)
The Veronicas, Untouched
We the Kings, Check Yes Juliet

Sweet Keegan

2011-04-27T21:41:00.001-06:00

Today is Keegan's 18th birthday! Even more than Cecily getting married, Keegan turning 18 makes me feel OLD! I was 15 when he was born, yikes. One thing that has been so fun about the younger kids in my family is that I have gotten to watch them grow up. With Keegan it's been a little different because I went away to college when he was only 3, but I have lived close to home during most of those years since. This kid has no idea how much I love him. It's hard to see him grow up so fast, but I also look forward to his adult years where we'll be more like peers rather than big sister/little brother. Happy birthday Keegster!

SLC Half

2011-04-27T21:01:00.000-06:00

Themes for the day: hip hop and gratitude. My music was pumping and I felt GOOD! A few things that really stood out:

We started the race up at the U and came down Foothill to 2300 East. The weather was cool and it had rained before the race started. As I turned down 2300 East (of course being near the back of the pack) I was looking slightly downhill with the most gorgeous view of the post-rain, early morning sky, the mountains to my left, and runners ahead of me as far as I could see. Those are the moments that make you love running. When else would you ever see anything like it?

Around Sugar House Park, before the marathon and half marathon courses split, I passed a kid with a cast on his foot using crutches to walk. I didn't notice if his bib was a marathon or half marathon bib but I was impressed by his effort. Whoever he is I hope he finished!

After the course split, I passed at least three marathoners who had gone the wrong way and were making their way back to the correct course. All of them had smiles on their faces (although I heard from another friend running that she had passed a marathoner in tears), but it broke my heart that they had to face the discouragement of backtracking and they still had 20 miles to go once they got back on the correct course. I could relate this to life in many ways, but I'll spare you the cheesiness for now.

Just after mile 10 for the half marathoners, which would have been approximately mile 23 for the marathoners, I got passed by Jonathan Ndambuki, who won the marathon (2:25:56). I was pretty worn out by then, and you would think it would be a little discouraging getting lapped like that in a major way, but it gave me so much motivation I can't even describe it. All the half marathoners moved to the right as we were passed by a few police officers on motorcycles, an official SLC Marathon vehicle and Mr. Ndambuki. We were all cheering and clapping as this elite runner flew past us. I get choked up thinking about it.

Finally, as I was running down South Temple towards the Gateway, I passed two different young women who were doubled over (one sitting) in pain. Both were crying, probably wondering if they would finish or not. I wanted to tell them to "just keep moving, it's less than a mile" but I know how it feels to hit the wall like that, and there's not a whole lot anyone can say that helps.

In this case I'm not going to spare you the analogy. If I've learned anything from running it's this: you have your good days and you have your bad. On the good days you know you're getting stronger, faster, and you feel like you can do anything. Good days running give you the motivation to tackle life, to want to be a better person. On the bad days you're getting stronger too but you don't realize it. The bad days are the days where you just don't care, you get down on yourself and don't think you'll ever be able to run any faster. In fact, on the bad days you run slower and wonder what the hell is wrong with you. On the bad days it's an accomplishment that you ran at all. I've had to tell myself to "just keep moving" so many times, you'd wonder why I even try, but there's a strength you get from that, mentally and emotionally, that somehow manages to kick in when you're at your worst. If you "just keep moving" you will finish.

I loved this race. I didn't make my goal time of 2:36:00 but I beat my last half time by 9 minutes so at least I saw some improvement. I'm still about 20 minutes slower than I was three years ago, but I'm getting there little by little. Just keep moving right?

Be Still, My Soul

2011-04-11T22:16:00.000-06:00

1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;

With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend

Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake

To guide the future as he has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know

His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on

When we shall be forever with the Lord,

When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,

All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Text: Katharina von Schlegel, b. 1697;

trans. by Jane Borthwick, 1813-1897

Purchases that bring you to tears

2011-04-10T14:33:00.003-06:00

My new toy:

I was holding back tears as I walked out of the store, it was almost embarrassing. Playing the piano makes me so happy, and I'm so glad I got this new calling in Primary so that I had a good reason to splurge on something that is going to bring me so much joy. It's exactly what I need right now.

Salt Lake 10-Miler Playlist

2011-04-07T18:48:00.000-06:00

I have about 450 songs on my workout playlist that I just put on shuffle when I run. While running I skipped the songs that didn't really work for me, so the following list is a pretty good one. They're in the order that I ran to them, but I'm not going to bother rating them for a 10 miler.

Eminem, Not Afraid

Yellowcard, Ocean Avenue

Bush, Machinehead

Blaqk Audio, Stiff Kittens

Red Hot Chili Peppers, Tell Me Baby

Green Day, Holiday

Foo Fighters, Generator

Eve 6, Inside Out

Green Day, American Idiot

Moby, Porcelain

Katy Perry, I Kissed a Girl

Metro Station, Control

Foo Fighters, Breakout

Incubus, Anna Molly

Natasha Bedingfield, Unwritten

Motley Crue, Dr. Feelgood

Britney Spears, Toxic

Shiny Toy Guns, Rainy Monday

Rise Against, Audience of One

Muse, Map of the Problematique

The All-American Rejects, Swing, Swing

American Hi-Fi, Flavor of the Week

MXPX, Responsibility

The Offspring, Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)

Three Days Grace, Never Too Late

Cake, The Distance

Rihanna, Don't Stop the Music

Meg & Dia, Monster

AFI, Miss Murder

Enrique Iglesias, Rhythm Divine

Boys Like Girls, Love Drunk

Anna Nalick, In the Rough

How to get out of a funk

2011-04-06T18:03:00.002-06:00

I've been in kind of a bad mood lately. Well, not so much a bad mood as I've just been sad and depressed and bummed about a situation I've found myself in the middle of. I don't like to post details about the awful stuff, but I might tell this story eventually. It's about to come to an end I think.

So Alex was asking me at work today if there's anything she can do to help. She said, "what would make you feel better?" For the life of me I could only come up with three things: food, sex and money. Doesn't look like I'll be feeling better any time soon.

The ring experiment

2011-03-31T11:45:00.001-06:00

Instead of reading a book this month for book club (that I've been a member of for at least a year and attended last night for the first time) we had fondue night. I'm loving it; next month we're doing Royal Wedding night at Trisha's, haha, you know, Prince William and Kate Middleton. All the mommy's decided it's too much to read a book every month - at least a book they didn't choose - so we're going to start trying to do it every other month and just socialize the months in between. I think it's a great idea. I'm in charge of a book in July and I think I'm going to do one of my favorites: The Awakening by Kate Chopin, which is good but also short.

But I'm getting off track... I guess I've heard of it before (and probably participated), but last night I had the number and gender of my future children predicted via the ring experiment. You hold a ring attached to a chain over the palm of your hand and if it goes in a circle it's a girl and if it goes in a straight line it's a boy. Well, mine started with an obvious boy, then paused, then went to an obvious girl, then stopped completely. I told Amber to give it another minute but it was done. So, not the basketball team I was hoping for but I'll take it. The witch ring has spoken: a boy and a girl it is. ;) At this point in my life I'll be happy with anything.

LG and HG

2011-03-30T12:06:00.003-06:00

My thanktimony for the day: Work is going well this week. Couldn't have spent a better evening last night, first at the temple and then great conversation with Lady G over molten chocolate cake at Chili's. I'm thankful for friends, family, temples and the gift of the Holy Ghost. Life's good!

Random addendum: I forgot to wear a white bra to the temple (do I even own one?) - mine was hot pink - so I had to go braless...REALLY embarrassing. It gets better: I was running late so when the lady at the clothing rental saw me coming she started gathering stuff for me to help me make my session. I didn't realize she had given me an XL slip and dress until it was too late (I normally get a medium tall). If it hadn't been for the clean white clothes you would have thought I was a bag lady!

Tampons and tickets

2011-03-28T18:20:00.002-06:00

Alright, so two posts today: one because I felt the need to pontificate a little and two because I feel the need to bitch a little. My no good, very bad weekend ended with a 10:30pm run to the grocery store to buy tampons, where upon checkout, the 40-something male checker told me my total was twenty dollars. I'm pretty sure the look on my face made it clear that tampon purchasing is not a joking matter (they're like $8). However, on my way out to the car I smiled pretty big over it. I mean, poor guy, it's awkward to ring something like that up. (I know, I've been a checker and had to ring up enemas and laxatives for people who were acting like assholes. It's hard not to laugh at them or say "you'll feel better later.") In trying to ease the situation, he only made it worse and was even more embarrassed than if he had just pretended like he was ringing up a loaf of bread for me.

And this morning... - oh MAN I can't believe I have to write this - I got pulled over for speeding on my way to work. I. am. PISSED!!! I am not kidding, the TWO times I have sped in the last year it has been by 2-3 MPH (ok 12-13, but we all know they only tag you if you're going more than 10 miles over), and BOTH times I have seen the speed trap ONE SECOND too late. I will say it again: it irritates the HELL out of me that the police's favorite time to pull people over is during rush hour because they know all those people, who are off to work, paying taxes and generally contributing to society, will actually pay their tickets and provide revenue for an overstaffed city police force. They have no incentive to do the kind of police work that really makes a difference because it's a drain on their resources. So the officer had the nerve to say "drive safe" after he gave me my ticket. I wanted to say "you mean, 'don't drive 2 mph faster than the car in the lane right next to you; actually do, so you can pay for my two buddies to back me up next time I arrest someone for an outstanding fix-it ticket'?" I also don't understand how they think they're doing you a favor by writing you up for 5 miles over instead of the full amount. I'll have to look into it, maybe it's points with the Driver's License Division, but it definitely doesn't mean my insurance company will go any easier on me. Here's to another blot on my record, a hundred bucks and another wasted hour of my life in traffic school...

In spite of all my complaining, I have to say my weekend actually wasn't terrible. I had a lot of fun Friday night at my friends' show, ran 8 miles on Saturday, saw a great movie Saturday night (Limitless), and enjoyed pizza and a movie with my dad and brothers last night.

Broken hearted

2011-03-28T18:19:00.001-06:00

Every time I start to feel sorry for myself, something happens that reminds me how lucky I am. At church on Sunday morning I was having a real rough one. Besides the fact that church is now at 9am and I'm not a morning person, I was getting choked up throughout Sacrament Meeting thinking about a few things that have been bothering me for a couple weeks now. In more than one area of my life, I've been so afraid to take any action and I've been telling myself stories about my lack of individual worth.

After the meeting, before I could race off to Primary, I was nabbed by two people. First, my friend Allie, who I visit teach, and whose concert I attended on Friday night with some other people from my ward. Second, my friend Maria, who I don't see or talk to every Sunday, but for some reason we just connected right when I moved into the ward. Maria sat down next to me and started asking me some casual questions about dating, etc, then she dropped the bomb: about two months ago she got separated from her husband of 19 years. They're already rotating weekends with their two teen-aged daughters, so she's alone and depressed every other weekend. I think she mainly wanted to talk with me about how to start getting out there, and meeting people and socializing with other singles her age, but she ended up really opening up about how she's feeling and some of the things that led up to the separation. I wish we'd had more time, but I'm sure we'll get together again soon.

I truly care about Maria and everyone who trusts me enough to open up and share their struggles with me. Life's hard for everyone; how many times have I said that on this blog as if it's some new concept that I just learned? It's embarrassing how often I need to be reminded to look outside my warped little bubble and worry about others more than I worry about myself. At the same time, that realization always brings such gratitude with it, for the things I'm blessed with and the life I have. Today I can say my heart is full, not broken. Some of the space is still taken up with my own concerns and disappointments and hopes-that-are-hopefully-not-black-holes, but this love I feel for my friends also ironically gives me a little more love for myself, the good kind of love that tells me I'm a person of value. And all the things I get so dramatic about, that put me over the edge of reason, are secondary and will work themselves out.

I love Primary

2011-03-27T14:23:00.003-06:00

Some of you know I already have a new calling again. The Stake Presidency decided it was time for the Stake Primary President to be released (she'd been in like two and a half years and we were her second set of counselors), so we all got released. I am now the primary pianist, which is awesome. I played the piano publicly today for the first time in about 15 years.

During Sharing Time, the kids were asked to share a story about something they did that Heavenly Father would have been proud of, something that was just the right thing to do. Six (maybe seven) year old Maya raised her hand and said her story was one her little brother had told her earlier in the week. Eli, who is about four, LOVES candy, and he was in the store with his mom and thought about taking some off the shelf and eating it when the Holy Ghost gave him the feeling that he shouldn't do it, so he didn't. I thought it was the sweetest story, first that a little boy that age would recognize and acknowledge a spiritual prompting in his life, and second that he shared it with his older sister. Wow. Olya, their mom, who Hilary knows from her mission, is doing something right!

Foreign Service...

2011-03-23T22:28:00.005-06:00

Alright, so it's been a while since I blogged and now I'm having to catch up. On February 11 I took the Foreign Service Officer Test (FSOT) and on March 3 I found out I passed. It was crazy because I was in the Orlando airport when I got the email via my phone, but I couldn't open the attachment because it was a PDF! It drove me nuts for hours until I finally got home and opened it on my computer. The letter was surprisingly detailed and it just felt awesome to get it.

Next step was to complete six personal narratives, which I didn't even look at until I was ready to get started, since I knew that I wouldn't be able to think about anything else if I did. Well, you know me. I procrastinated until today, the due date. I had until 10:59:59 (basically midnight Central) to finish and I just barely submitted them about 10 minutes ago. I won't find out now until the middle of May if I get to move on to the oral portion of the test. Fingers crossed!

So one final random thought. This is really a dream job, if I get it. And yet... Well, there's a part of me that's afraid if I go all the way through and take a job in the foreign service, it will be like making a conscious decision not to get married because I'll be putting myself in a situation where it will be harder to meet eligible men. I don't know, just something that's bothering me. I'm so excited about this, but I'm having a bit of a hard time on that other front. I want a family so bad it's sickening, and I just don't want to do anything to jeopardize it. I don't know.

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2011-03-23T17:18:00.004-06:00

Again, thanks to the humidity and the puddles at the water stations... It's hard to see in this picture, but my shoe rubbed the skin right off my heel. I still have a scar; it has taken months to heal (and about three weeks before I could wear socks again). Had I known that it was just that my sock had slipped down, I would have stopped and pulled it up. But I thought it was a blister and there would be nothing I could do about it until I finished. So I ignored it, figuring it would bother me more psychologically if I knew what it looked like rather than check to see if there was a simple fix.

Marathon pic

2011-03-23T17:00:00.003-06:00

So, I got a notice in the mail today that my Honolulu Marathon pics were available online. Not that I've ever loved any pictures of myself running in any of my marathons or half marathons, but Honolulu was especially bad because I was such a fatty and I wore those awful shorts (don't ask me why, although if you do ask me I do have a reason). I loved this hilarious picture so I stole it. No I'm not going to pay to always remember how bad I looked.

This is at the very end of the marathon - I might actually be crying in this picture - and the reason I know this is because of how I'm holding my arms. I had prepared as much as I could for the humidity of Honolulu, but one thing I didn't do was put body glide in my armpits. By about mile 20 they were chafing so bad from rubbing against my sweat-soaked shirt that I looked like a running Fred Flinstone singing yabba dabba doo. I had to hold my arms out to keep them from burning. It was funny because the next day I was wondering why my neck and shoulders hurt so bad, but this picture explains it. When you run approximately six miles with your arms in this position you're gonna be in a little pain the next day.

Crossfit and Marine Corps Marathon!!!

2011-03-22T20:46:00.004-06:00

I finally did it; at the beginning of March I joined a crossfit gym. I had to rearrange my budget, cut back on my cable and a few other things, but I made it work. The marathon in December wasn't quite the shot in the arm I was hoping for, so if this doesn't work I don't know what else is left to do. Well, besides go on a diet. It's kicking my butt but I'm loving it.

Two good things that are coming out of it, in addition to the kick-ass workout: I'm sleeping better (and more hours, which I really needed) and I'm starting to eat healthier because if I don't I'm nauseated the rest of the day. A few bad things: broken blood vessels in my forehead/face from doing handstands (against the wall of course), sore foot (yes I'm still have issues with my effing foot), sore knee...basically all the things that plague me running, except for the broken blood vessels. This morning I was getting in a worse and worse mood trying to do my hair and put on my make up because my arms were aching from holding them up. That's a good thing, obviously, but I've been told it's not going away any time soon. Like, I'm gonna be sore for the next 2-3 months.

So, it's power through until May. In six weeks I'll be that much stronger with two more half marathons under my belt (totalling eight if I finish both). I've got SLC on April 16th and Thanksgiving Point on April 30 (thanks to Emily who asked me to run it with her then realized she had a math final that day she can't miss) so I'm trying to run on the days I don't go to crossfit, but I'm looking forward to being able to spend May and June getting strong, just doing crossfit and not training for any races. In July I have to start training seriously for my next marathon: Marine Corps! I had to plan a long time in advance to get into that one. I'm thrilled.

Guest bedroom remodel

2011-03-20T20:26:00.004-06:00

Well I did a sh*tty job taking before and after pictures, but here is my weak attempt and they'll just have to do. I had two roommates (Duke grad students here for a five month internship at the VA) move into the two upstairs bedrooms (I didn't want to share a bathroom) and I moved into the bedroom downstairs. It was a perfect excuse to re-decorate what will eventually be the guest bedroom!

Vegas!

2011-03-20T20:10:00.004-06:00

Somehow I lost my entire post when I uploaded this photo, which isn't even that great (self portrait while Sara was in line at the MAC store). I wish I could visit her every month! We shopped, ate, ran, talked (and talked and talked) and avoided the strip at all costs. It was a blast and I can't wait to go back to get more one on one time with my girl.

My ward, my friends

2011-03-20T19:30:00.003-06:00

Lately I've been feeling so grateful for this wonderful family ward that I'm a part of. I've heard horror stories from other single friends who attend family wards and get treated like pariahs due to their family/relationship status, but that's just not the case here. I live in a very urban part of SLC and it's a really unique mix of people. I mean, you'd have to be a little different to buy a house here when you could get more for your money in the burbs, as well as live in a ward with 100% home teaching, etc. I love the diversity, but at the same time, in spite of being single, I've met some people who are so much like me it's scary. (Could this be a "Seriously, So Blessed" post?) I totally feel like I'm meant to be here at this point in my life.

Tonight I had dinner with two couples in my ward; both women were in the Primary presidency when I was the Primary music leader. I guess I don't really have anything interesting to say about what we ate or the conversation during dinner. It was just satisfying, if that doesn't sound too corny. I feel good about myself being around them and I feel like I spent two hours of my Sunday in a positive, uplifting way. These last few months I've just been especially grateful for friends and people who have come into my life or played a bigger part in my life in a way that makes me feel like God really does love me and cares what happens to me. He's pulling for me and that feeling is strong enough that it's worth blogging about.

Real resolutions

2011-02-06T21:47:00.003-07:00

1. Be happy in your job (even if that means a new job). Work hard every day and take pride in it. Don't worry about money. Don't even worry about prestige. You know if what you're doing is good.

2. Stop swearing.

3. Be healthy. Stop worrying (and talking) about weight and start focusing on all the things you can do. Eat healthy for your future rather than for a hot pair of jeans. Take your vitamins.

4. Serve better. Be committed to visiting teaching at the beginning of the month, have a good attitude about your calling, pray that you will be able to serve well, attend all of your meetings, go to the temple more.

5. Enjoy life. Live in the present and enjoy every moment. Enjoy working. Enjoy being on vacation. Enjoy exercising. Enjoy time with friends.

6. Save for the things that bring happiness and in some cases relief. Buy a season pass to a ski resort (buy a new pair of skis!). Plan an awesome vacation.

7. Respect yourself. Don't trade what you want the most for what you want in the moment. Marathon-discipline Natalie doesn't have to be Nazi-discipline Natalie. Be flexible and don't beat yourself up, but remember what matters most.

8. Focus on relationships. Care more about others than you do yourself. Keep in touch with friends. Make time for people. Listen.

1986

2011-02-05T15:54:00.001-07:00

1/11/86: Yesterday was my Birthday. I had a slumber party. I invited my best friends Janet Beeler, Katie Kleevos, Erin Ebright, Shanna Wilson, Kristen Martin, and Megan Kimball. Megan could'nt come and she's my best friend. I turned eight.

1/12/86: Today I went to conference.

9/23/86: Yesturday I went to get my bike licensed. My dad gave me an extra doller get some candy at 7-11. I could not get my bike licensed becuse they only do it on Saturday and Sunday so I spend both dollers on candy. I felt bad.

10/6/86: Yesturday was fun. I went to i.h.o.p. for breakfast. Later on that day I went to Atlantis park. It was fun.

10/7/86: Yesturday I play dodge ball and kept getting people out. I realy like my teacher and so do my parents. I have a lot of fun in school.

10/8/86: Yesturday was a busy day. I went to piano lessons right after school, then when I finished piano I went strait to soccer prictice.

10/10/86: Yesturday I went to soccer pactice. I was late. I hate being late. Today we talked about what I was going to be for halloween. I'm going to be a black cat.

10/14/86: Yesturday we played soccer for P.E. It fun. Saturday we played soccer, and we played against my old coaches team. I was real nurvis, but we one so I'm not nurvis anymore.

10/15/86: Yesturday was busy. I walked home with Kelly and had a snack then went to piano for 45 minutes. From there I went strait to soccer.

10/27/86: Yesterday I sprained my foot. It hurt real bad. I'm glad I won my soccer game.

11/4/86: Yesterday was Monday. At school we changed seats. I like my new seat. When I got home I had to clean my room. I was real bored. Then my parents said I could trade room with my sister on Wednesday. I will have my own room.

11/5/86: Next Thursday is Thanksgiving. I'm so excited becase I get to go to my grandma's. She makes the best dinners. It takes two hours to get there, but I watching the horses and cows.

11/11/86: Saturday my coach made a bet with the coach who's team we played against. We tied, but next week we're going out for pizza.

11/17/86: Yesterday I was sick. I hated it. Saturday my soccer team one. We're in first place.

11/19/86: Yesterday I went to piano lessons. I got real bored. So I sat down and wrote a letter. I didn't have soccer.

11/20/86: Yesterday I went to a play. It was real fun. Their was a bunch of short plays. The two I liked best were "See America" and "The magic of American music. This one had a girl in it who knew how to dance like Michael Jackson. The oher one was about a boy who needed to see America. So he went to Los Angeles, Chicago and New York, and the reason he did this was because he wasnt getting enough information from t.v. and the News Paper.

11/21/86: I like Megan. She's nice. She's the one who gave me this book. So I can write all my dreams in. I allready have a diary, so I'll use this as a gernal. One of my dreams is that Doug and Terry would like me. I also wish I could get some cloths for Christmas. Tracey, my friend, loves Terry, so I can't have him for a boy friend. Nat loves Terry and Doug!

11/24/86: Saterday my soccer team lost because I was golie and the oher teams kicks were so high. I caught most kicks, but one was so high (about five feet high). At least the game didn't count for us or we would have lost first place. In a week were playing a team for the Belmont cups. I'm realy excited. My coach is real nice. He gives us treats every time we win. We've already won the divisional trophy.

11/25/86: Today I went to piano. Tomorow my grandma is coming. I'll probably have to share a room with her. I am not saying I don't like her, It's just that I don't want to share a room with her. I can't wait until Thanksgiving. I just got a new dress. I am going to wear it. I can't wait.

11/29/86: My Grandma is here, and it isn't that bad. Today we went to Shoreline Village. It was fun. We got cotton candy. In a couple of minutes Kim her husband and Alexander (her baby are coming up to see us. Kim is real nice. She's my dad's cousin. Alexander is Kim's new baby.

12/1/86: Thanksgiving was fun. My grandma came down. Saterday my family and I went to Shoreline village. We had a good time.

12/2/86: Yesterday my Grandma went home while I was at school. I didn't want her to leave. My class is going to do a play in January. I can't wait. I hope I get april fool or George Washington. I want to be april fool more than I want to be George Washington.

12/3/86: Today at school for P.E. we played kick ball. It was fun. We only had time for two innings. So far the other team is ahead of us but we have some pretty good kickers. At least we don't have Jenny. She's a horrible kicker. It's to bad Jenny is pretty nice. My best friends are Megan, Janet, Kristen, Shanna, Missy, and Katie. I love Doug and Terry.

12/17/86: On monday in p.e. we did soccer scills. I was fun because we learned how to drible. I already know how but it was still fun.

12/22/86: Wright now I'm spending the night at my Best friends house. Her name is Tracey. We both like Terry. My mom almost went in laber three weeks early. I prayed she would not have her baby today. I'm having a lot of fun.

12/29/86: Right now I at camp it is fun. I like it. Hilary's friend Lisa came and Janets brother came with a friend. It's beautiful up here at camp. And I'm with my best friend Janets here. I've gotta go.

[Nice of me to totally skip over Brandon being born on 12/31/86.]

1/5/87: Christmas was fun. I got a ton of cloths, a ton of Barbie stuff, and some books.

1/13/87: Today in class we talked about our behavior, thats one thing I have to work on. One thing I can do is consentrate on my work and not on other people.

4/17/87: Well, today we leave for Grandma's. In ten hours, we'll be there. We're going because of a wedding.

5/3/87: Today Natalie has pnumonia. [Did Hilary write in my DIARY?!?]

January = Unmotivated Month

2011-02-05T15:52:00.000-07:00

No matter how hard I try, I'm just not motivated to blog in January. I've been blogging enough years now to see a pattern. Not that I'm apologizing, because I don't think I'm hurting anyone's feelings by taking a little break, but I'll be better now that it's February.

Favorite Sins

2011-01-30T15:53:00.002-07:00

Remember in Seminary they used to talk about getting rid of your favorite sins? You know, those sins that are really small, but ones you just like doing/not doing and don't really want to give up? I have thought about that so many times over the years and it is definitely one of my areas of rebellion. I totally have my favorite sins, I know what they are and I intentionally do them. I'll give one example. I like going for Sunday drives and getting a treat while I'm out. Sometimes that's breakfast (when I have 1pm church), usually it's a Diet Coke, but sometimes it's even - yikes - Starbucks (double whammy on the favorite sins). I guess I feel like I have so many other things, bigger things, to worry about that HF will understand. But I'm thinking that the fact that I'm aware of them yet I do nothing to improve myself might not help my case so much...

Givers and takers

2011-01-26T18:55:00.004-07:00

We all have a pendulum that swings between the giving side and the taking side. Some of us are naturally more of a giver (my sister Cecily) and some of us are just the opposite. For the last few years I've weighed heavily on the taker side of the scale. I've needed a lot from people and I've been so grateful for my friends and family who have been there for me.

My dad got a new job yesterday and you know what he did to celebrate? Came up to Salt Lake with my mom to give me a blessing at 9pm. My parents stayed until almost midnight and talked with me and gave while I took.

I've been trying to pray more lately, like for a few months I've been pretty good. The other night it occurred to me that I ask for so much more than I'll ever be able to give. Not that it's a 50-50 deal when it comes to blessings from God, but I'll never be able to serve enough, be nice enough, go to the temple enough or even have enough faith to ever deserve all the things I ask for. And yet, I receive. I take.

It got me thinking, if most of what I do when I pray is ask, does it make a difference if I pray or not? I'm serious. Life goes on whether I pray or not. So how is it different when I don't pray or ask for the things I feel that I need? Because it is different. I feel peace, I feel more grateful, I recognize and thank God for the good things because I know I'm not entitled to them. I have more confidence, I feel better about myself and I feel my Heavenly Father's love, and more importantly, his acceptance and approval.

Yep, I'm a taker. I don't know if it's possible to swing the pendulum the other direction when it comes to our relationship with our Father in heaven. I think the goal is to be a giver at heart. Willing to give. Willing to sacrifice. Willing to not receive occasionally. Even if we still do.

Wanna know what sucks?

2011-01-26T18:46:00.003-07:00

The only time you ever eat dinner at the dining room table is when you're working from home.

The only interesting mail you ever get is from the SLC Justice Court about your most recent traffic violation.

Being 33 and having your doctor tell you you need to lose 20 pounds because your cholesterol is high. (Although only slightly above normal, it's higher than last year.)

Breaking into tears when making health decisions that could effect your ability to get pregnant someday.

Hallelujah, no cavities

2011-01-17T19:12:00.003-07:00

It's a sad day when you're excited about your dentist appointment because it means you get to leave the office early (especially when you're worried you might have a cavity). The good news is, I survived my x-rays, always a traumatic experience for me and my small mouth and over-active gag reflex. They have to use the kid-size mouth thingies so I don't throw up everywhere, and I still have to "just breathe."

Other good news: no cavities, perfect teeth (thanks Mom, Dad and City of Long Beach with its fluoride water). I was thinking about my appointment in 2009 where I convinced my dentist against his will to fill cavities on both sides of my mouth in the same appointment (up until then I'd only had one cavity in my entire life; on this occasion I had three, yikes!). BIG MISTAKE NB. I did my best going to my "happy place" but ended up having a mental breakdown when I got home and couldn't feel my face. No mental breakdowns today, just relief. Now back to work... Does it ever end?

It's gonna be a good year

2011-01-09T22:38:00.001-07:00

'Cause I'm gonna make it one.

Days like today

2011-01-05T21:45:00.003-07:00

I wish I could go to a bar and drown all my sorrows. I don't want to be home. I don't even really want to call anyone. I'd like to sit there and talk to strangers and not think about my life or anything in it.

Excuse me please

one more drink

could you make it strong

'cause I don't need to think...

One more drink and I'll move on

One more drink and I'll be gone

One more drink my grace is gone

-Dave Matthews, "Grace is Gone"

NYR's

2011-01-03T19:33:00.003-07:00

My totally average resolutions:

Lose weight, I have a few great pairs of jeans I'm getting close to fitting back into
Get out of debt, except student loans and my house, I guess
Travel more, like Hawaii or Mexico
Get a real boyfriend who I actually like
Buy a new car, one that can tow a boat
Run a marathon, San Diego in June, Marine Corps in October, or both (always have at least one race on the calendar)
Come up with better birthday resolutions that aren't so lame

Benson Quote

2011-01-03T19:25:00.002-07:00

Men and women who turn their lives over to God will find out that he can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life to God will find he has eternal life. -Ezra Taft Benson, "Jesus Christ--Gifts and Expectations"

Thanks Marie-bee!

My worst nightmare

2011-01-02T18:18:00.004-07:00

Friday: came home from running errands and heard a funny sound behind the chair in my living room. After several attempts to figure out why the "rock" pushed up between the floorboard and the floor (it's an old house and the floor's pulling away a little from the wall...) was jiggling around - nope, it's not the air from the heater, nope it's not vibrations from passing cars on the street - I saw a furry little face peek out and realized it was a mouse. The rock was actually a dry piece of bread I must have dropped on the floor and the mouse was trying to get it through the crack, but the bread was too big. I called my dad, freaking out, and he told me to throw the piece of bread away and go buy some mousetraps. EW!

I put on my work gloves, grabbed a broom and swept the bread away from the wall, threw it away and left to go buy the traps. I kept wondering, after two days, why I hadn't caught any mice. Until...

Sunday: sitting on my couch eating a bowl of cereal, and out of the corner of my right eye I thought I saw something. "Nah," I thought as I went back to my cereal. Then out of the corner of my left eye I saw movement again, looked up, and there was the mouse on top of a basket I keep my magazines in (on the floor). It ran over to the corner where the trap was, and about 10 seconds later I heard it snap. Luckily the new traps contain everything inside a black trap so you don't even have to see the dead mouse. It still startled me though.

I felt really bad and wasn't quite ready to go check it out and/or throw it in the garbage. Then I heard more noise. Another mouse? I set another trap and put it in the corner, then realized the noise was actually coming from the supposedly dead mouse in the other trap. Cheap piece of crap trap did NOT kill the mouse "instantly" like it claimed. I put my work gloves back on, put the trap and live mouse in a grocery bag, and took it out to the outside garbage. I feel really bad that's it's going to freeze to death out there instead of die "instantly" from a whack to the head, but I just can't handle hearing the noise of it trying to escape.

Let me just say, I have never seen any evidence of or any actual mice the entire time I've lived in this house. I'm really hoping this is just a fluke. I still have that second trap set...

Christmas parties and presents

2010-12-21T20:02:00.013-07:00

I think I'm finally finding my niche in my ward, despite the fact that the only young single people are me, Hercules (yes, Hercules really is single, it was just a misunderstanding, although he is dating the Jolly Green Giant so no hope for me there...) and Paul, former counselor in the Bishopric who sent me so many weird texts I've had to save them all for posterity (luckily he's also dating someone as of late). Last night was a little neighborhood Christmas party at one of my friend's houses and man was it an eye opener. I thought, being the oldest of 8 kids, I knew a lot about birthing, babies and breast feeding. Oh no... Guess not.

So I'm hanging out in the living room with all the ladies, three of whom are casually breast feeding. I'm cool with that. But the conversation...wow... Swelling and how much their husbands like their oversized ta-tas, "let down" (never even heard that term before), pumping and abundance (or lack) of milk, how they feel about breast feeding other peoples' babies, and how soon they're interested in sex once they get the green light from the OB: "OMG, like at least a year!" "No way, I'm rarin' to go in three weeks!" "I'm crazy about it during pregnancy!" "Are you pregnant?" "Uh no, unless it's immaculate conception!"

Even though I'm having the time of my life, I excuse myself to go to the kitchen to get something to eat, where I find the men talking about business, jobs, the economy and re-modeling their houses. Ah, something I can relate to. I'm about to join the conversation and hang out in there for a bit when one of them notices me and says "woooo! single girl in the kitchen!" as he starts dancing around me trying to raise the roof. Uhhh, how 'bout those Jazz...?

I hope I don't sound harsh (or heaven forbid, immature); it was a lot of fun and very interesting. I really love this new group of friends. Just please don't let me be one of those mothers who...oh I had better not say. Do you think since I've waited so long I can just have twins so I only have to do the pregnancy thing once? (I'm pretty sure I won't get my basketball team at this point anyway...) And maybe throw in babies who are snuggly, beautiful (no coneheads please), bright and well-behaved? I mean, as long as I'm wishing...

On another note...after all the teasing I've received recently at the hands of family and friends, my parents decided I needed a new phone for Christmas this year. So here it is, the 16GB iPhone 4 and its beautiful Kate Spade cover. By the time I figure out how to do more than text we'll be on the iPhone 44...