Monday, May 16, 2011

Is it fate or is it me?

I didn't pass the essay portion of the Foreign Service Officer selection process, so no, I will not be taking the oral assessments. I can't even re-take the written test until next year. It blows.

Was it me? I wish I would have put more effort into the essays and not procrastinated. From the day I found out I passed the test to the day the essays were due, I had three weeks. During the first two weeks I was wishy-washy about my desire to be a FSO (I wanted to get married remember?), then all of a sudden I had the fire but didn't have a free night to write them. So I took one evening, the day they were due, and wrote good essays that weren't great, and obviously not good enough to advance to the next level. I wish I could feel like I made my best effort and say it just wasn't meant to be, but I can't.

Or was it? Maybe it wasn't meant to be...this year. You see, I had decided that if I advanced to the oral assessment, I would continue with the status quo for the next year or so. I mean, what's the point of making a major life decision such as selling my house or looking for a new job in a new city if I'm just going to pick up and leave the country in a year? Maybe fate stepped in and said NATALIE BLACK YOU NEED TO MAKE A CHANGE AND YOU NEED TO DO IT NOW.

So after a few tears and a phone call to my mom, I made a list of my options, ALL of them. And guess what? There are a lot. I'm done waiting around. I'm done being afraid. I'm done hoping some man will come into my life and change everything. Expect to hear some big news from me in the near future. In fact, hold me to it.

1 comment:

Angela said...

Interesting news! There has to be a reason (up above perhaps) why things didn't work out this time for the Foreign Service. But perhaps next time it'll be better timing-wise. Gosh, I feel for you but also think it's incredible that you are empowered by your options and aren't waiting around.

I honestly think the moment that a person says they are done waiting around and big things are going to happen is precisely when they happen. It's kind of like "The Secret" (yep I'm a believer). When you're in the right mindset and open to things, you are SO much better able to jump at opportunities that come your way. Don't be afraid to go outside your comfort zone and do something that sounds just a tad bit crazy to others. They may not understand it but if you go with your heart, you can do great things. I know it!

Sheesh, sorry for the long pep talk ! Just speaking from experience of doing seemingly out of the box "different" things that have turned out to be AWESOME.